Pain will chase you, if you are trying to run away from it. Embrace it, it’s “painful” but suffering leaves you “enriched”
I recently got my COVID Vaccination shot. I was happy that I got it with the present situation which is prevailing when it’s impossible to get an appointment slot. There was a drive done by my residential society and I got a chance to get it done. I hate injections. I know after bearing two C-Sections, it’s foolish to say that I still get anxious at the thought of getting an injection. But this is what it is. I do not like that piercing. I do have a tattoo as well!! LOL, I still dislike injections. I did not think about the aftermaths and kept the thoughts at bay on the experiences which everyone had like severe body ache, fever, shivering etc. I did not want my mind to replicate the scenarios that others had. I was drowsy and felt so sleepy and slept for more than twelve hours in a day. I got tired after sleeping so much. I felt that I was drugged! My eyes were indeed droopy and I was roaming in the house like a zombie.
In these circumstances, what I always do, I clean up things. I started yet again to clean up the drive for my kid’s room. In the night, they were allowed to have a movie night with their father even if it was a weekday. I snuggled myself in the quilt and immersed myself in the books. The pain in the arm was pinching me at regular intervals, and the heaviness in my eyes plus a migraine-like headache. Amidst all this, I read. I knew this would relieve me of all the pains. And yes it did. But I did feel weak, frail, and I thought about what will happen when I will be too old, and if my eyes will not support reading and my hands can not manage to average out 1000 words in a day. It did scare me. I took a deep breath, that pain is inevitable and different phases of life will come, and if Ruskin Bond can continue with his love with words at the age of 87, then why can’t I.
What I have learnt about Pain is, the more I fight with it, the more I try to avoid it, it will engulf me like an octpus and will strangle me. I did try this when I was in OT getting the C-Section, twice. The pain sucks you out, it exhausts you, I felt helpless that I am not able to do so many things, can not stand, needed help to perform day to day chores, but that’s OK.
It’s ok to be in pain, it’s perfectly normal. Don’t fret about it. (A message more for myself than you)