I accept that I do fear when I ask for a leave.Even when I am sick , or have some personal work , I do have apprehensions of taking a day off.I get cold feet when I am not at work for long.I used to check my work email first thing in the morning , before going to bed and if I get up in the middle of the night , at that hour as well.I did respond to emails when I was out from the operation theater after delivering my second baby.I was even working when I had an eye surgery done.It sounds crazy and detrimental to physical well being.I wanted to be connected to the work 24x7 even if it meant jeopardising the health.I was uncomfortable in taking long leave when I was getting married.I was really uneasy when I learnt that during my holiday period , the place which we are visiting does not have a phone connection , forget about internet.I am sure what I am describing sounds familiar to you.Why this uneasiness creeps up when I think for a day off? I play the perception of our manager over and over in our mind.I think 100 times before that leave email is sent out.And even after crossing all these mental hurdles, if I manage to take time off, I am not able to completely enjoy the time off as my mind is still creating situations of what others will be thinking.This creepy feeling refuses to leave me and seeps in like an unwelcome guest.
Why to give room to all this apprehension and how to tackle it ?
I took a step back and analysed why these concerns trouble me.They did because over the years I made this perception that this is the way how a routine should be , one should be indispensable at work and not taking leaves or time off , projects one as a dedicated worker.This is a pernicious situation.Too much of everything is bad.To be productive and creative , I needed to take a step back , relax and enjoy my hobbies.A holiday , time off from work is needed to give you a fresh wave of thinking.Its the time to kick off the drape of a hard working worker to a smart working professional.Throw a stone in the water and watch out for the ripples.How long those waves stay in the water ? Think about those disturbances when you think that work will come to a standstill when you decide to take a leave.